4th Place

Stimulated Package: Hal??? Really.....JR's dad??? He finished in 4th place? Only one spot out of the money? I think we'll all have to take our caps off to the guy, as we bow our heads in silence and mourn the league and the disappointment we have cast on the Fantasy Gods. It appears that Hal traded in his Hot Rod Weekly for a Fantasy Mag and reaped the benefits. Mr. Johnson accumulated quite a powerhouse of keepers after his sidekick handed him Albert Pujols on draft day a few years ago. He'll have a very difficult decision on which 3 to keep out of Pujols, A-Rod, Teixeira, Mauer and possibly Cliff Lee. Unlike the days leading up to his high school Sadie Hawkin's Dance, Hal should be receiving some calls for the services of one of these fantasy titans. Although the pieces are in place, he still has to draft so we can expect this team to balance out very quickly. Come April, not only will Hal have the privilege of walking JR down the aisle, but he'll have his shot to prove that last year wasn't just a 'one hit wonder'.

5th Place

Paper Tiger: No kids, that is not a typo. The Der, for the first time in his Fantasy Juicers baseball career, finished out of the money. That's right....OUT OF THE MONEY! Its hard to believe, but fun to say......try it with me..........OUT OF THE MONEY!!! A staple at the top of the leaderboard, Mr. Beck stunned us all with a disappointing 2009 season. But as he is not afraid to tell you, the keeper pool on this squad is far from shallow. A bounce back year is as certain as finding an empty bottle of Jack and a stiff sock under his bed. Thankfully after two full years with the same name, 'Paper Tiger' is dead. This year 'Old Money' will be out for vengeance and I can guarantee his roster will be loaded with great arms..........and at least one Padre. MREH!

6th Place

Cobra Kai: Hoofy, aka Justin, followed up a 2008 7th place finish with a 'Giant' leap into 6th in his 2009 campaign. After a 2007 season and an eye-opening 2nd place finish, highly attributed to his little orphan 'Annie', it appears this one hit wonder has lip-synced his last diddy for now. With an unimpressive overall Yahoo! fantasy performance of 31% this aspiring actor turned legal counsel remains to be an afterthought in the realm of fantasy competition. Along with his poor judgments with fantasy acquisitions and $5 bets amongst his friends, Hoof has yet to entrench his being as a fantasy threat............could this be the year?? With a slew of overrated talent entering the 2010 season, Mr. Hoof will have to decide between the likes of Matt Holiday, Matt Kemp, David Wright, Adam Lind, Kendry Morales and Felix Hernandez. The bright spot rests in the one year and under crowd of youngsters with Tommy Hanson, Buster Posey and Eric Young Jr. We just hope that this Erin Brokovich can take a break long enough to pick a couple of his players before the auto-draft feature selects the rest come Draft Day.

League Overview

For the newbies, here are some brief points to keep in mind with this league:

1. Its 10x10, meaning 10 hitting and 10 pitching categories. (Hitting: R; Hits; 2B; 3B; HR; RBI; SB; BB; K; AVG / Pitching: W; L; CG; SHO; SV; ER; BB; K; ERA; WHIP [walks and hits per inning pitched]) The extra categories definitely add more depth to the potential value of a player so make sure to keep that in mind when looking at building a team.

2. Keepers: We keep three regular players plus one rookie keeper (look at 3, below) You can keep the players that are on the squad you are handed (in this case the pool of the two abandoned teams), or you can trade with other players prior to the draft. You can't pull from the FA pool for keepers.

3. Rookie Keepers: The rookie keeper is our proudest achievement as a league. A rookie keeper is any player that played at all the season prior as their rookie season. As long as in the year prior to that they did not exceed the ABs (130) or IPs (50) to qualify for rookie of the year consideration, they qualify. For instance, Andrew Bailey of the A's was this years AL Rookie of the Year. He can be kept. However, if he had thrown more than 50 innings in 2008 in the big leagues, then he would not have qualified as a rookie for 2009 and couldn't be kept in our league in 2010. There's no minimum though. If there's a guy that got a September call-up last year and didn't log enough ABs or IPs to qualify for rookie of the year consideration (see Madison Bumgartner), they can still be kept. A player can only be kept one year as a rookie keeper, so a September call-up that is kept and the next year wins the rookie of the year award cannot be kept the following year.
The rookie keeper portion of the draft goes in reverse order of the regular draft, meaning 1st to 10th. You can keep any player that was on your squad the year before, or you can pull from the FA agent pool (which you can't do for the regular draft). Once you keep a player from your squad, all eligible rookies on your squad that are not kept are immediately dropped into the FA pool for the people below you to choose, unless you plan to keep them as one of your regular 3 keepers.

4. Trades: You can trade for players or draft picks. Veto power is held with the league (1/3) of the players. Trades can be made during the offseason and during the season until the trade deadline.

5. Price and Payout: League fee is $100. Payout is 60/30/10 for 1st, 2nd, 3rd ($600/$300/$100)

6. Trophy: Kick ass trophy for first with your name on it for the champion.

All other rules are Yahoo rules. For now the draft will be held March 18 at 6PM on the Yahoo site, although I'm looking at some other options that will allow for our draft pick trades. Post if you have any other questions.'

Commish

Potential Keepers

Below is a list of legitimate keepers currently available on each squad. By legitimate, I mean ranked in the top 30 on MockDraftCentral's Average Draft Position (ADP) Report, or ranked in the top few of their position (based on scarcity). The purpose is to give everyone, particularly the new guys, a sense of who might be available for trade prior to the draft and who might be available with the 4th round (1st after the keeper rounds) pick. I have marked the players by rank (overall, position):

Travis: Prince Fielder (8,3); Evan Longoria (9,2); Justin Upton (25,6); Ichiro Suzuki (40, 10); Brandon Phillips (33,3); Tim Lincecum (12,1); Zack Greinke (26,3)

JR: Ryan Braun (5,1); Chase Utley (4,1); Grady Sizemore (28,7); Joey Votto (30,6); Brian McCann (43,3); Dan Haren (42,6)

Tyler: Carl Crawford (15,3); Dustin Pedroia (38,4); Roy Halladay (24,2); Carlos Beltran (injury)

Hal: Albert Pujols (1,1); Alex Rodriguez (3,1); Mark Teixeira (6,2); Joe Mauer (13,1)

Cale: Miguel Cabrera (10,4); Ian Kinsler (16,2); Jacoby Ellsbury (19,4); Troy Tulowitzki (17,2); Jason Bay (29,8); Adrian Gonzalez (32,7); Johan Santana (injury) (46,8)

Justin: Matt Holiday (20,5); Matt Kemp (7,2); David Wright (14,3); Felix Hernandez (31,5); Brandon Webb (injury)

Jason: Ryan Howard (11,5); Jose Reyes (22,4); Mark Reynolds (18,4)

JJ/Ari (Laying the WOOD): Jimmy Rollins (21,3); Aaron Hill (50,6)

JJ/Ari (Actual Tiger): Hanley Ramirez (2,1); CC Sabathia (27,4)

Tom: Victor Martinez (23,2); Justin Morneau (37,9)

Mini-Draft

Ari and JJ: The two rosters below will be pooled together for both of you to have a mini-draft redistributing the "talent" between the two teams. From this poo,l you will select three keepers and one rookie keeper each. A post is soon to follow determining who goes first (coin flip), and a brief breakdown of the rules and scoring of our league. In the meantime take a look at what's below.

If you have any questions, go ahead a post in the comments section and somebody here will answer it....or insult you. Probably both.

Laying the Wood Player	H/AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	SB	BB	K	AVG
Jason Bartlett (TB - SS)	160/500	90	160	29	7	14	66	30	54	89	.320
Julio Borbón (Tex - OF)	49/157	30	49	4	0	4	20	19	15	28	.312
Michael Bourn (Hou - OF)	173/606	97	173	27	12	3	35	61	63	140	.285
Aaron Hill (Tor - 2B)	195/682	103	195	37	0	36	108	6	42	98	.286
Aubrey Huff (SF - 1B,3B)	129/536	59	129	30	1	15	85	0	51	87	.241
Garrett Jones (Pit - 1B,OF)	92/314	45	92	21	1	21	44	10	40	76	.293
Carlos Lee (Hou - OF)	183/610	65	183	35	1	26	102	5	41	51	.300
Nick Markakis (Bal - OF)	188/642	94	188	45	2	18	101	6	56	98	.293
Andrew McCutchen (Pit - OF)	124/433	74	124	26	9	12	54	22	54	83	.286
Bengie Molina (SF - C)	130/491	52	130	25	1	20	80	0	13	68	.265
David Ortiz (Bos - 1B)	129/541	77	129	35	1	28	99	0	74	134	.238
Carlos Peña (TB - 1B)	107/471	91	107	25	2	39	100	3	87	163	.227
Scott Podsednik (KC - OF)	163/537	75	163	25	6	7	48	30	39	74	.304
Jimmy Rollins (Phi - SS)	168/672	100	168	43	5	21	77	31	44	70	.250

	Pitching
Player	IP	W	L	CG	SHO	SV	ER	BB	K	ERA	WHIP
Wade Davis (TB - SP)	36.1	2	2	1	1	0	15	13	36	3.72	1.27
Ryan Franklin (StL - RP)	61.0	4	3	0	0	38	13	24	44	1.92	1.20
Matt Garza (TB - SP)	203.0	8	12	0	0	0	89	79	189	3.95	1.26
Cole Hamels (Phi - SP)	193.2	10	11	2	2	0	93	43	168	4.32	1.29
Edwin Jackson (Ari - SP)	214.0	13	9	1	0	0	86	70	161	3.62	1.26
Ubaldo Jiménez (Col - SP)	218.0	15	12	1	0	0	84	85	198	3.47	1.23
José Valverde (Det - RP)	54.0	4	2	0	0	25	14	21	56	2.33	1.13

---

Actual Tiger

Player	H/AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	SB	BB	K	AVG
Robinson Canó (NYY - 2B)	204/637	103	204	48	2	25	85	5	30	63	.320
Chris Davis (Tex - 1B,3B)	93/391	48	93	15	1	21	59	0	24	150	.238
Ryan Doumit (Pit - C)	70/280	31	70	16	0	10	38	4	20	49	.250
Yunel Escobar (Atl - SS)	158/528	89	158	26	2	14	76	5	57	62	.299
Chone Figgins (Sea - 2B,3B)	183/615	114	183	30	7	5	54	42	101	114	.298
Carlos Gómez (Mil - OF)	72/315	51	72	15	5	3	28	14	22	72	.229
Corey Hart (Mil - OF)	109/419	64	109	24	3	12	48	11	43	92	.260
Conor Jackson (Ari - 1B,OF)	18/99	8	18	4	0	1	14	5	11	16	.182
Paul Konerko (CWS - 1B)	151/546	75	151	30	1	28	88	1	58	89	.277
Mike Napoli (LAA - C)	104/382	60	104	22	1	20	56	3	40	103	.272
Magglio Ordóñez (Det - OF)	144/465	54	144	24	2	9	50	3	51	65	.310
Hanley Ramírez (Fla - SS)	197/576	101	197	42	1	24	106	27	61	101	.342
Manny Ramírez (LAD - OF)	102/352	62	102	24	2	19	63	0	71	81	.290
Gary Sheffield (NYM - OF)	74/268	44	74	13	2	10	43	2	40	46	.276
Vernon Wells (Tor - OF)	164/630	84	164	37	3	15	66	17	48	86	.260

	Pitching
Player	IP	W	L	CG	SHO	SV	ER	BB	K	ERA	WHIP
Bobby Jenks (CWS - RP)	53.1	3	4	0	0	29	22	16	49	3.71	1.27
Derek Lowe (Atl - SP)	194.2	15	10	0	0	0	101	63	111	4.67	1.52
Jonathan Papelbon (Bos - RP)	68.0	1	1	0	0	38	14	24	76	1.85	1.15
CC Sabathia (NYY - SP)	230.0	19	8	2	1	0	86	67	197	3.37	1.15
James Shields (TB - SP)	219.2	11	12	0	0	0	101	52	167	4.14	1.32
Javier Vázquez (NYY - SP)	219.1	15	10	3	0	0	70	44	238	2.87	1.03
Tim Wakefield (Bos - SP)	129.2	11	5	2	0	0	66	50	72	4.58	1.44

7th Place - Moose Knuckleballs

Yep...there they are.  If a picture is a 1000 words, and this one describes Jason's team, 999 of them would be variations of the word gross.  The MKs treated this league like the back of a taxi cab after eight Jack & Diets and a SuperSized Bean & Cheese.  As pointed out by the reigning champion Travis "The Loudspeaker" Devlin, this fart of a team got a jump start on its horrible season when the manager conducted an abortion in the 5th round and drafted Francisco Liriano.  That's not a typo: F-I-F-T-H (ebonic equaivalent: F-I-F).  I was compelled to fart right there on the spot.  In fact, I propose that from now on, in honor of this legendary gaff, whenever you want to draft Liriano don't say his name...just make a farting sound with your mouth.  We'll know what you mean.

Because nobody would believe me if I told you he complemented the 5th round Liriano pick with David Price as a rookie keeper, I have cut&pasted the pitching staff of the MKs below.  This team didn't stand a chance.  I'm pretty sure it was worse too.  On the last day he just sorted the available players by ERA and picked up a couple in attempt to reduce the smell of this heap-o-shit.

---

	Pitching
Player	IP	W	L	CG	SHO	SV	ER	BB	K	ERA	WHIP
David Aardsma (Sea - RP)	71.1	3	6	0	0	38	20	34	80	2.52	1.16
Neftali Feliz (Tex - SP,RP)	31.0	1	0	0	0	2	6	8	39	1.74	0.68
Yovani Gallardo (Mil - SP)	185.2	13	12	1	0	0	77	94	204	3.73	1.31
Francisco Liriano (Min - SP,RP)	136.2	5	13	0	0	0	88	65	122	5.80	1.55
Rick Porcello (Det - SP,RP)	170.2	14	9	0	0	0	75	52	89	3.96	1.34
David Price (TB - SP)	128.1	10	7	0	0	0	63	54	102	4.42	1.35
Ervin Santana (LAA - SP)	139.2	8	8	2	2	0	78	47	107	5.03	1.47
Rafael Soriano (TB - RP)	75.2	1	6	0	0	27	25	27	102	2.97	1.06

---

Now many of you will doubtlessly tell me "but JR, he traded away Carp and Wainwright".  Exactly.  Traded away potential keepers for draft picks that he will, guaranteed, treat like a man's butthole and totally screw it.  This manager should throw away the baseball magazines this year and just throw darts at wall for his picks.  Couldn't do much worse.

Well, he could have Tom's team.

Looking forward (because you certainly don't want to look back on this thing), Howard somehow manages to hit a respectable .279 to make his 45 HRs and 141 RBIs really pop, more frimly establishing him as a perennial keeper.  Mark Reynolds will likely join the squad this year to make Jason a front runner for HRs.  Of course this comes along with a nice big, straight, numero uno in the K column.  After the Gorilla and Reynolds it's a toss-up between future stars or yesteryear's supermodels of Hamilton and Reyes.  There's potential here in the batting lineup but he'll be forced to draft a great pitching squad and try to keep that sqaud this time.

THE CHAMP IS HERE....

Via Travis Devlin on the Yahoo! Fantasy Baseball Page last Friday: link

Hey you fucking douche bags! First of all, the post by Hal to start the league was great. A heart felt fuck you, i can get down with that. Then we get the predictable Fisher "feel sorry for my fucking gay ass" bullshit. Shut up already. Then der chimes in with his "i'm kinda making fun of you, but i'm really your friend" post. So predictable. Here's what i'm going to throw out there to help the 9 of you dongs have more fun this year...

1) Go into the year knowing that just because you have the lead after two months, your team still blows and i'll pass you.

2) Post, talk shit, admit your team sucks when you lose and have fun telling everyone that you hope they brought knee pads when you win.

3) Whatever you do, don't listen to Jason, he drafted Francisco Liriano in the 5th round last year.

4) Tim Lincecum is the man

5) Hoofina is in law school, so don't expect much this year. Obviously, he's stuck in the "library"

6) Evan Longoria is amazing

7) Fuck you all, the first back to back champion in the history of the fantasy juicers league, the first franchise to have not 1....not 2...but 3 banners hanging from the ceiling. That's right bitches, sometimes what you may have considered a fluke becomes a trend, and a trend becomes a dynasty...

There's quite a few of you out there that have keepers that resemble Jr's backyard. If you need some help, i have 6 potential keepers on my team and am willing to listen to trade offers for draft picks. Greinke, Fielder, Ichiro, Upton anyone?

Have a nice Friday..
TD

Tickets! Get your tickets here!

The tickets are purchased and in hand for both the Cubs and Rangers game.

For the home game at the Peoria Sports Complex, we have good seats behind the Padres dugout, two or three rows back.  We have two groups of five, one directly in front of the other with both starting at the aisle.

The Ranger game is an away game in Surprise and we opted to for the lawn seating for this game.

I'm gettin' pumped guys.  Three more weeks according to the countdown-ometer.

8th Place

Laying the WOOD: This carpenter was far from Jesus and like so many before him finishing 'at the bottom of the sea', Mr. Tim Miller has opted out of his fantasy contract. After only one season of being the fat chick in a cheerleader pyramid Tim will leave this miraculous bunch of athletes that couldn't make the Indians from Major League. Arguably, there isn't one single player worth taking in the top 3 and possibly 4 rounds. J-Roll, Markakis, Carlos Lee, Cole Hamels, and the lone bright spot, rookie keeper Andrew McCutchen are what remains in the ruins of this 12 month empire. The challenge for this team will be passed onto the rest of the league as we try to convince someone that a $100 buy-in to get this lineup is a steal. Luckily the two unmanageable teams will be tossed into a bucket of poop for the new blood to dig through and separate from the corn and the nuts. "Hey, you haven't changed a bit!"

We've Got a Player Down

So Tim just called and said he's out for baseball. Too much time, too much money, yada yada. He's got 2 other leagues that he was in before so I guess he gets some slack. So there will be a combining of the 2 last place teams into 1 pot. The 2 new managers will be able to choose the 3 players they want to keep from those players. We're gonna have to come up with a method to determine who chooses first. Ideas?

Countdown to Fun!

9th Place

Actual Tiger: This Tiger is following Tiger Woods' lead and is getting the fuck out of dodge and having as much sex with old Canadian woman as he can. Looking at this lineup, its not a moment too soon. Mr. Paul Revlin will be donating Hanley Ramirez, C.C. Sabathia and the cup from the 2 girls 1 cup video hit. There are a few other viable candidates in Manny and Papelbon, but we'll let you decide. Its a sad day as Mr. Revlin, one of the original fantasy juicers, will officially put his fantasy career on hold to pursue his passion for nude theater. We will all miss his 'Icelandic camp sex narrations' and hope he makes a return soon. To the new manager who acquires this team, don't forget........you almost had Tom's team so you got lucky.

Commissioner's Note #1

What's happening fantasy hopefuls!! Another season is approaching shortly, and the manager roster is nearly filled out. I'd like to extend a welcome shout out to JJ Sclar! Thanks for jumping in this season dude.

Just to give you a little glimpse of the talent level in this league, the trophy lineup currently reads like this:
2003: Cale Beck
2004: Andy Lynch (league casualty)
2005: Travis Devlin
2006: JR Johnson
2007: Cale Beck
2008: Travis Devlin
2009: Travis Devlin

As you can see, we can use a little more diversity on this thing. Hopefully you can put up a better fight than the rest of the league "veterans." But remember to bring your money anyways.

Online rumor mill is spouting something about the 2010 league page being available tomorrow, February 9. So if you haven't started thinking about this season's team name, get on it. The draft will be online for the first time this year. I'm gonna call out Thursday, March 18 at 6PM for draft time. That probably won't work for everybody, so if you have other suggestions let's hear 'em. And you better come with a good excuse. A Grey's Anatomy conflict will get no love. I'll give everyone the address to send in buy-in money when I figure out the new address.

Finally, I'd like to give a shout out to JR Johnson and his techno-savvy for setting up this blog. Awesome.

Commish

2009 Fantasy Juicers Season 7 Final Standings

Now that football is officially dead to the fantasy world, we turn our attention to America's Favorite Pastime............Fantasy Baseball. Here is a look at the final standings from last years fantasy league, saving the best for last. That being said, that must mean that Tom is up first. Coming in dead last, The Fish.
My Ass is Soriano: After a fairly respectable start of the season, it soon became apparent that the Fish blew his wad a little too early in the season. His hopes for a money finish soon dwindled as May rolled around. A long road may still be ahead for the 2010 season as even a beginning Fantasy Juicer could make the claim that there isn't a keeper on this list of terds. Don't tell him that though, we need to keep his spot filled. Morneau, Martinez, Berkman, Peavy and Lester appear to be the early favorites for this bottom of the barrel squad. Even though it appears as though Tom is a mastermind on Draft Day, he might want to relinquish a few of those picks for at least one viable keeper. It may be highly likely that a name change will be required once this Double- A roster is filled out. Lyle Ovabay!

Buy-in Amount Vote for 2010 Fantasy Baseball Season

We've been at the current buy-in for two consecutive seasons, so I thought it appropriate to take a poll on the buy-in amount for Fantasy Baseball. The league has handled most issues through voting which is what this poll will represent. The Commish will process the results once everyone's vote is in and render his decision accordingly.

Can You Find the Homo?

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Fun for the whole family

The Sound of Tom Fisher's Heart Breaking